Should’s Equal Guilt

One thing I tell all my clients is to be mindful of the word should. When something should be done and you don’t end up doing it, guilt comes along. If you spend some time being mindful of all the times you say the word should and how you feel when you don’t accomplish the “should” you will likely find out you don’t feel very good about it. Instead practice changing “shoulds” into “I want” and “I don’t want.” This puts the power back in your court and doesn’t usually come with guilt. A lot of the time shoulds are something society, your parents, your boss, your co-workers etc. have told you should be doing in order to be successful, a good person, kind, measuring up to the jones etc. An example I often give is that I should do my dishes. But when I don’t I feel really guilty about it. I questioned why I felt I should do it. Yes I prefer a clean kitchen and dishes, but I live alone, no one know if my kitchen is dirty or clean. I started saying I don’t want to do the dishes, or I do want to do the dishes, and just like that I stop feeling bad about days when I didn’t do the dishes. Now I know life isn’t that easy, and there are times you have to do things you don’t want to do, like paying your bills, but when possible challenge where you go this notion of that you should be doing something, and can you change that to I want to or I don’t want to?